Todays Mom Hack Monday is a little different than usual. I hope any moms out there who are struggling like I was with how to parent their kids, will find it helpful. All of the info and advice I am giving is from my personal experience using the Positive Parenting method from Simply On Purpose. I was not asked in any way, shape, or form to write this post. I simply feel that when you come across information that is this helpful, you should share it.
A Little Background-
As most of you know, I have three boys. 6, 5, and 8 months. I don’t share too much about them on here, just because I don’t want them to ever feel upset that I shared too much of their personal life. So, I will just give you a quick synopsis on what their personalities are like. Cayman is busy, has a hard time focusing and paying attention. He knows this, and is working hard to work around that. He is also extremely caring and wears his heart on his sleeve. Cayman truly is the sweetest boy. Beckham feeds off of C’s energy, and likes to make everyone laugh even if it means doing something naughty. He’s my little lover bug, and would snuggle me and let me read to him all day every day if he could. He’s smart too, and knows everything there is to know about trains! Cruze, well he’s 8 months so slobbering and putting anything and everything in his mouth is his jam. 😉
They are boys- they are LOUD, messy, rambunctious, and oh how they love to give me a run for my money!
Positive Parenting- Why it works for us
I have been following the “Positive Parenting” method from Simply On Purpose for a few weeks now, and you guys I can’t even tell you how much this method has been such a game changer for us! It has helped so much, that I just want to shout it to the rooftops! Parenting boys is tough work. So many nights I would cry myself to sleep because I felt like I had failed my kids, that I wasn’t patient enough, or that they deserved better. Saying that all kids should be parented a single way is a bit of a stretch. They are all so different and respond to things in different ways. Cayman (because of his issues with attention and focus) sometimes reacts before he thinks. He needs someone who can be patient with him, and help him problem solve. I’ve always tried to teach them with love and patience, but that can sometimes be hard when you also need to teach boundaries and respect as well. Where do you draw the line? Im either too nice and not strict enough, or I feel terrible because I lost my patience and yelled, or even spanked. Yes, I have spanked my kids before, and I hated myself for it. I’m not saying that spanking is bad, but for me and my personality I just can’t do it. I feel so much guilt, and I personally feel it just doesn’t work for them. This parenting gig is TOUGH WORK friends. It is so so hard, and also so important!
It’s only took me 6 years, but I have finally found a parenting method that works my family. My boys are happier, and I am happier going to bed at night without all of the mom guilt. Granted there are days where they are off the walls, and I’m not as patient as I should be. BUT we are making strides in the right direction, and I am so so proud of them (and quite honestly, me)!
For example- Yesterday we went to Walgreens, and had to wait 20 minutes for a prescription. I had a talk with them before we walked in, and let them know how I expected them to behave. If they behaved well, we’d go to their favorite barber shop to get their hair cut afterward. (we needed to do this anyway, but to them it was still a reward) I had them repeat back to me exactly what I expected of them, and we made sure we were all on the same page. Guess what? They were so good, and if you know how busy my boys can be this was pretty incredible! Now they have fresh hair cuts for school today, and happy smiles all around. That was just one example, but we are seeing this more and more daily.
Our Parenting Before.
Boys- clean your toy room please. If this is not picked up in 10 minutes, I am taking a garbage bag out and throwing everything away! They hurried and cleaned up in FEAR that they would have to throw their toys away. Honestly- one day they didn’t clean up and my husband put it all in a garbage bag and had them earn it back. It was heart wrenching watching how upset they were, and to be honest it didn’t seem to help the next time it was time to clean up.
Our Parenting Now-
Boys- Could you please clean up the toy room? Once you’re all finished, ill read you two books before bed. (see rewards can be simple, some of the things our kids expect of us are actually privileges) Lets have a race to see who can clean up the fastest. They clean up the toys, and are excited to read books before bed. If they don’t finish, the consequence is that they don’t get to read the books. The consequence lands squarely on their shoulders. This has happened once where they didn’t finish their nightly chores, and I just told them I’m sorry you didn’t finish cleaning your toy room. I know you will try harder next time.
The difference in our home now is that we are not using a scare tactic to get our kids to behave. Instead, they are learning to LOVE making good choices. Also, we’ve learned to not stress so much on correcting bad behavior, but focus on the good. My boys used to love potty talk, so simply ignoring that behavior and acknowledging the good has been a huge help. It makes for happier kids, and I feel 10x better at the end of the day.
If you’re a mama who is struggling with how to parent your kids and don’t want to go down the route of spanking, yelling, and making threats; go follow Simply On Purpose! I would suggest watching her insta stories and highlights. She gives such a beautiful perspective on things, and her advice is scientifically proven. Truly LIFE CHANGING!!!!