Our little Cruze is now two months old, and I can’t believe how much time flies! I’ve had quite a few of you reach out and ask if id be doing a Birth Story post, and to be honest I’ve debated doing one at all. Although this day was amazing and beautiful in so many ways, it was also a very sad and horrific day as well. I thought maybe this was something too personal to share, but to be honest; I also feel like so many of you have supported me from day one, it’s about time I opened up a bit and shared some raw feelings. Life is not perfect, and I hope I do not try to make it seem that way too often.
As most of you know, I had been on bedrest for about 13 weeks when Cruze finally arrived. This pregnancy put me through the ringer, and tested me in so many ways. Reaching the 34 week mark was a huge accomplishment for me, considering both my boys were born at 27 weeks. I don’t think I could have made it that far if it weren’t for my amazing doctors and specialists, modern medicine, the help of friends and family, and of course prayer. One thing we learned this pregnancy was that I have whats called an “overactive uterus.” It basically means that even someone rubbing my belly can cause contractions. Now with that said, imagine two busy boys who were constantly running into me, rough housing around me, and wanting to touch my belly 24/7. I had contractions on and off all day starting at 17 weeks, so It was a miracle I made it this far.
The day Cruze arrived is one we will never forget. It all started on June 15th, 2017 at about 4:30am. I woke up to the most terrible pain I’ve ever felt. I could tell it was contractions, but these were unlike anything id ever experienced before. Every contraction (about 3 minutes apart) was as if someone were stabbing me from the inside. I could tell something was very very wrong, so I woke my husband up and we immediately rushed to the Hospital. Luckily my sister in law was in town and was able to watch the older boys while we were away. Upon arrival they hurried and checked me to see if I had dilated. I was at a three, so they called my doctor and asked what they should do. Because I was not bleeding, and my contractions had started to slow down a little once they gave me my IV; my doctor decided she wanted to try and stop the labor. They pumped me full of Magnesium, which was super fun. If you have been given magnesium to stop labor before, you know how awful that is. Again, I won’t bore you with the gruesome details of that either. Let’s just say there was a lot of vomiting going on. About two hours later, when my contractions should have completely stopped, they started to get even worse. At this point I was in so much pain, and it was pretty apparent that something was not right. The doctor checked me again, and I was now a 4-5 and bleeding. Within 15 minutes they were prepping me for an emergency C-section and wheeling me over to the OR.
Having another c-section for some reason scared the living daylights out of me. When Beckham was born, I had whats called a “Classical Incision.” It definitely not your typical c-section, and the recovery is 8-10 weeks instead of 6. This is why they rushed me in for surgery, because it is not uncommon for the previous incision to rupture during labor. I dreaded going through such a major surgery again, and actually begged my doctor to do a v-back. Lets just say I’m glad they looked at me like I was crazy and said no, because things would have turned out terribly wrong had they listened. My husband called both our parents while they were prepping me for surgery, to let them known what was going on. When he put my mother in law on the phone, I just cried and cried. She was with me for two months helping out while I was on bedrest, and she knew how worried I was about having surgery again. I think I had convinced myself I would die or something, because I wanted to hold my boys so terribly bad. I wanted to tell them how much I loved them, and kiss their sweet faces, just in case things went badly. She understood this completely after having so many talks with her about this. She told us to stay positive and to take some pictures to document this day, because I had made it much further along and that was something to celebrate. She knew we’d want to remember this day, and I am so glad she made us take photos. We wouldn’t have these precious memories documented had she not suggested it.
During the c-section my husband came in to hold my hand. He had been in the waiting room until they gave him the okay to enter. It was such a comfort having him there, and the second I saw him walk in I felt at ease. About 30 minutes in, I could tell something wasn’t right. The nurses and doctors looked concerned, they were scrambling around like they didn’t know what to do. Meanwhile, my heart was racing worrying that something was wrong with the baby. I looked to my husband for comfort, but could tell by the look on his face he was scared too. He kept trying to smile so I wouldn’t worry, but I just knew something was wrong. My husband finally asked what was wrong, so one of the nurses lowered the sheets separating us, and said they had run into a few problems and that the surgery would run a little longer than planned. As you can imagine, that is definitely not what I wanted to hear in the middle of having a baby. My mind starting racing with all of the possibilities of what could have gone wrong, and just when I thought I might fall apart; I heard the most beautiful sound- the cry of our sweet baby boy.
Cruze William Dyer
Born June 15th at 11:15am
5lbs 18 inches
The moment I heard him cry, all of my worries and fears seemed to just float away. My husband and I immediately started crying the second we heard it, and my heart grew in that very moment. It was so hard for me to imagine loving another the way I love Cayman and Beckham, but a cry is all it took. I was smitten the second I heard it. They lowered the sheet so I could see him, and I couldn’t get over how perfect he was. Button nose, chubby cheeks, I was in love. My husband was able to go over and see him while they cleaned him up, and then they brought him over to me. The second they put his head next to mine, he stopped crying and turned his head towards me. It was like he already knew who his mama was, and that made me feel like the luckiest mom in the entire world.
After about five minutes, they took him back to the NICU. Then the doctors explained what had happened, and what their plan was. Because I had such bad scar tissue from my previous C-section, my uterus had ruptured pretty badly causing a lot of internal bleeding. I can’t even tell you how thankful I am that the doctors were so proactive and got me into surgery right away. Had they waited even 15 more minutes, he would have been born into my abdomen and either him or I (or even both) wouldn’t have made it. As if that wasn’t enough, my bladder had also fused to my uterus, so they had to call in a specialist to help separate them without rupturing either. She then told me that they absolutely did not recommend having any more babies because of this, so they suggested a tubal ligation. We had already consented for a tubal ligation prior to the surgery, but changed our minds last minute. When she told us this, we both knew it was the right thing to do. Even then, I always envisioned myself with four kids. So, hearing that I could no longer have another was devastating. Don’t get me wrong, we are so grateful for our miracle boys, trust me; they are our whole world. But, knowing that this is our last baby was hard. It just makes every moment even sweeter, knowing that it’s the last time we’ll be able to experience all of these firsts. We had to wait a while for the specialist to show up to help with surgery and I was still loosing a lot of blood, so the doctor decided to put me under with anesthesia for the remainder. In one scheduled surgery they delivered the baby, fixed my rupture, preformed a tubal libation, and detached my bladder from my uterus. Lets just say recovery was gruesome.
The day after surgery, my husband was helping me to the bathroom because I was in so much pain and couldn’t walk on my own. I started to see spots, got really dizzy, and my ears started ringing. Next thing I know I was on the floor and woke up to my husband holding me in his arms. I looked around and realized there were about 20 nurses and doctors surrounding me, and they all seemed pretty relieved when I woke up. Apparently I had been out for a good minute, which I guess is a really long time. I had whats called a Class C hemorrhage during surgery, and they were hoping to avoid another blood transfusion, but it was clear I needed one after passing out. After the transfusion, I was finally able to see Cruze again. I think that was the hardest part of it all, I was having such a rough recovery that they wouldn’t let me see him until I was a little more stable. My husband got to hold him first, feed him his first bottle (of my breastmilk), and change his first diaper. I missed so much, but I must say- he was worth every tear, every heartache, every shot, doctors visit, bedrest, he was worth it and then some. I would do it all over in a second if I knew he would be the outcome.
If there is one thing i’ve learned over the years, its that if we were all to lay our trials out side by side, we would quickly take ours right back. Everyone has their trials, and we all respond and react to them differently. Sometimes I find myself having a little pity party and wonder why God gave me this trial of not being able to carry a baby to full term. I mean, my body is literally made to bear children- why does mine have such a hard time? I hated myself for putting my babies through such pain. But then I remember that things could be so much worse, and I now have three beautiful healthy boys. I have so much to be thankful for, and I can’t even for one second take that blessings for granted.
Cruze was in the NICU for 2 1/2 weeks. Within 24 hours he was off of CPAP completely, and within 48 hours his IV was removed and moved from his incubator to a crib. After just a week he was moved to the lower level of the NICU where families go when they are close to coming home. While there it was just a waiting game until he could learn to take all his feeds by mouth (breast and bottle) VS. a feeding tube. It’s safe to say our little Cruze simply “cruised” through the NICU. The day we brought him home was actually pretty hectic. We thought we had another day, so when his nurse called us that morning and said they were prepping for discharge, we were frantic! I sanitized the entire house, while my husband took the car in for a wash/detailing. We weren’t about to risk any germs with him. The boys were so excited to have him home, and watching them all together was like a weight was being lifted off our shoulders. It’s hard having your heart in two places at once. Having us all together just felt right.
Thank you all for your prayers, messages, and those that went out of your way to help while I was on bedrest and when we brought him home. I don’t think I would have made it to 34 weeks if it weren’t for the charity of others. We are also especially grateful for such amazing NICU nurses and doctors who brought us so much comfort and took such good care of our little Cruze. We are truly grateful for all of you, and can’t express how much this all meant to us. I am so lucky to have such wonderful people in my life, and even more so- to have a loving Heavenly Father who blesses me every single day. I know I’ve said this before, but I love you all! Thank you for always being so supportive, and following me on this journey. Your kind words have lifted me up during hard times and brought me comfort. You are the best, never change!